Maintaining an Even Head with a Toddler in the House

       My daughter recently transitioned from Baby to Toddler, and the frustration, fear and stress levels in my home have doubled.  Toddlers are amazingly fearless, despite taking countless tear-inducing tumbles.  I have been struggling to keep my cool between teething, learning "no", challenging every rule put upon her, and figuring out that she can just toss food on the floor.  

       More and more I want to start meditating, but there's just no time.  I run a small business from my home, have a very mobile toddler, and my husband works 60-hour weeks.  Nap time is business and housework time.  

       I'm also struggling with the feeling of being domesticated.  Am I embracing my inner strength and respecting my inner Goddess by cleaning up ALL the messes and folding ALL The laundry and not taking time for me?  Am I selfish for wanting time for me?  Transitioning from the Maiden to the Mother aspect in my life has left me endlessly confused.  Many people believe that becoming a mother means giving up everything that makes you you.  Giving up a social life and personal goals and hobbies.  I can't believe that, to be honest.  My daughter is not a drain on who I am, she is an addition to who I am.  

       The big question, to stay on theme, is whether or not I'm maintaining my sacred feminine and being a strong woman by allowing myself to be "domesticated" as I feel I am becoming.  Or is this just another way to embrace it?  I know feminism is about choice.  You're not NOT a feminist when you decide to become a stay at home mom, but somehow people think of you as LESS of a feminist when you make that decision.  

       It was not a hard decision for me to make.  I knew who I wanted to be, what I wanted to be.  This was not a question.  It was a given. 

       I think part of being a mother is being confused and stressed.  Part of being a mother is being selfless.  I can deal with giving up what I've given up.  What I'm getting in return is my child's love.  That's enough for me. 

Wow, I need to blog more...

I had all these grand plans for this blog.  I wanted to share what it was like to be in a feminine focused religion and still make the choice to be a housewife.  I do run my own business, but its not the same as pursuing a high powered job.  However, instead of blogging and working, my path took a much anticipated and sought after turn, and I became a mother.

Moving in to the Mother phase of my life this last year has been incredibly fulfilling and terrifying.  I wonder every day how I got to be so lucky, and I worry every day about every little thing my daughter does that doesn't show up in books about average development.  I wake up six times a night to check if she's breathing.  I think about what she's going to eat and then worry she isn't getting enough.

You see, it doesn't matter what your faith, mothers are all the same.  Mothers in the Digital Age have one extra hurdle to jump though.  We are constantly inundated with articles, well meaning shared posts, and listicles (list articles) warning us of all the things we are doing wrong, all the things that could go wrong, and all the people who are the opposite of what we are.  We feel like we're under constant scrutiny by our peers and what really is happening is we're under constant scrutiny from ourselves.

As a Pagan I feel like its something I have to embrace.  We work with The Mother in our rituals and we worship The Mother in our day to day, and we wouldn't have this need to worry and fret and wonder about our children if it wasn't a gift She gave us to help us be better mothers.

So here's to my baby, my return to blogging, and hopefully my ability to worry a little less and enjoy a little more!