Getting Back on the Path

   In the past few years I feel as though I have become very detached from my faith.  Part of it was depression, part was constant sniping and irritation from people I lived with who thought they knew it all, who thought their path was the only real, feasible path in all of Pagandom, and part of it is sheer laziness.  I’ve become apathetic to most things in my life, and that’s no way to go through life.

   Recently I’ve gone through many trials as far as my health is concerned, and it is very hard to focus on anything but living lately.  These health problems have caused me to come to the realization that I may not have children, and I definitely will not have them before I’m 30 (a date that is quickly sneaking up on me).  I feel like connecting with my faith, and with the Goddess, will help me work through my fears and accept whatever hand I’m dealt.  I feel like I need some structure, some faith, in my life.  I still believe in the Goddess, I still practice my kitchen witchery, I still walk a path that allows me to see the magic in things, but I’ve lost my way.  I’ve walked in the same direction endlessly, and it seems the lush forest of my early 20s has become the salt flats.  Barren and awful and hard to flourish in.

   So I’ve decided to turn in another direction, follow another path that still leads to the same place: a place where the Goddess and I walk hand in hand.  However this path means I need to switch my focus, for a time, to find my way back to a place I can flourish.  I need to look inward and find the piece of the Goddess who lays inside my heart, and embrace it with all of my strength.  I need to find the seed she planted in me, so I can carry it to fertile ground.

   Through this I hope I can also find the stamina to put up with my meds, the positive energy to get beyond this crippling depression, and the ability to find the place I’m looking for in life.  I’ve decided to make this journey public, because I need to know my story is told.  I need to share it so people can learn from it, and so if there’s another person out there who feels the same, maybe I can help them in some way,